Monday, October 3, 2011

An Effective Laxative, Straight From Your Kitchen Sink

Back in the US, I'm usually more of the backed up type. The majority of my family is in the category (sorry to those members. . . hope you're ok with me sharing some of your bathroom woes). We have all sorts of remedies to help get the motions going down there (fruit, veggies, and other natural laxatives). Sometimes I just forgot to go and other times I was just flat out too busy to poop. That's when you know you've got issues.

When I got back from India I was so horribly constipated I had to give myself an enema. It burned SO much to poop that I just straight up stopped going to avoid the pain. Bad, bad decision. Talk about a nightmare. That is one of the worst memories I have of my life. I hope to never relive that experience EVER again.

My lifetime battle with constipation has come to a cease here in China. I've come up with a new strategy: hold it and Chinese water.

So I try to hold it for two or three days, and then on the third day drink a tiny bit of Chinese water. It's been working out pretty well. I get semi-solid business and it conveniently saves me about 30 minutes a week.

The thing you should know about Chinese water is that the locals don't even drink it. When we wash our fruits and veggies we have to rinse them again with boiled water AND then peel all of them. You probably shouldn't rinse your mouth with it. We have to make sure our dishes are completely dry before we use them. It's super annoying trying to avoid drinking it at all. If you swallow a little, you can bet you're gonna spend a LONG time on that toilet.

So as I fight to be regular, I'm thankful for this effective laxative, located right in my kitchen sink. I'm learning more and more how to balance the water with my bowel movements. I have yet to be plugged up since we've been in China. (Freedom!) I just pray not to get some kind of parasite from the water. . .

Thank you China, for your terrible water and. . .

Goodbye, Constipation.

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