Fly Infestation

We have a fly infestation in our bathroom drain.

Yep, yep. It’s as gross as it sounds. Our bathroom consists of a toilet, a sink, a drain next to the toilet, a shower-head/spigot above the drain, and a ton of tiny flies. 

The drain on the floor of the bathroom is pretty dang gross. It doesn’t have a cover and it’s coated in a thick, brown goop. (I have no desire what-so-ever to know what that goop is!) From that drain comes an extremely foul smell and all these flies. I can’t seem to get rid of them. We’ve tried pouring boiled water and cleaning solution down the drain and covering it, but the flies live on. We just have to suck it up and get used to them.

So I’ve adopted a new hobby while going to the bathroom. I call it “Fly Hunting.” In the US, you guys read magazines while taking care of business. In China, we go Fly Hunting. 

An Effective Laxative, Straight From Your Kitchen Sink

Back in the US, I'm usually more of the backed up type. The majority of my family is in the category (sorry to those members. . . hope you're ok with me sharing some of your bathroom woes). We have all sorts of remedies to help get the motions going down there (fruit, veggies, and other natural laxatives). Sometimes I just forgot to go and other times I was just flat out too busy to poop. That's when you know you've got issues.

When I got back from India I was so horribly constipated I had to give myself an enema. It burned SO much to poop that I just straight up stopped going to avoid the pain. Bad, bad decision. Talk about a nightmare. That is one of the worst memories I have of my life. I hope to never relive that experience EVER again.

My lifetime battle with constipation has come to a cease here in China. I've come up with a new strategy: hold it and Chinese water.

So I try to hold it for two or three days, and then on the third day drink a tiny bit of Chinese water. It's been working out pretty well. I get semi-solid business and it conveniently saves me about 30 minutes a week.

The thing you should know about Chinese water is that the locals don't even drink it. When we wash our fruits and veggies we have to rinse them again with boiled water AND then peel all of them. You probably shouldn't rinse your mouth with it. We have to make sure our dishes are completely dry before we use them. It's super annoying trying to avoid drinking it at all. If you swallow a little, you can bet you're gonna spend a LONG time on that toilet.

So as I fight to be regular, I'm thankful for this effective laxative, located right in my kitchen sink. I'm learning more and more how to balance the water with my bowel movements. I have yet to be plugged up since we've been in China. (Freedom!) I just pray not to get some kind of parasite from the water. . .

Thank you China, for your terrible water and. . .

Goodbye, Constipation.

The Diarrhea Cry

Just as I finished publishing my last post, my husband bursts through the front door, huffing and puffing from running up the six floors to our apartment.

He screams, "I almost just pooped my pants!"

He then begins to rip off his pants and sprints to the bathroom.
A nanosecond later there is epic sounds of liquid chunks falling into the toilet and a sigh of relief.
"That was so close."

Welcome to China.

From my bathroom, to your's.

My name is Emily.
I am 22 years old.
And I think talking about poop is hilarious.

I currently live in the heart of China. I have been here for seven weeks and my bowels have been in for the ride of a lifetime. Everyday I have a new adventure on the toilet. My problem is, Chinese people don't like to discuss their feces. It's like it grosses them out or something. Weird, right?

I vowed to never have a blog before. I figured if people cared enough about my life, they would just ask me about it rather than reading it on the internet. However, I am itching to share my poop stories in China. Seriously.

So here it is. The scoop on the downtown-push-down, as my husband and I call it. You guys all get to share in our bathroom woes and joys. I may throw in a thing or two about my real life. . . we'll see :)

This is not a blog for the faint of heart. For those of us who love bathroom humor, it's gonna be great.

Enjoy :)