Cutting it Close

China is all about cutting it close. Most of the time it involves being hit my a motor vehicle (If another car comes behind me and honks really loud I’m pretty sure I’ll have an aneurism), crossing the street, running into old people, and catching the bus. More often than not, it frequently occurs when I need to use the toilet. 

I’m always cutting it close when it comes to going #1 AND #2. The other day I went out for awhile and eventually had to pee like none other. I was a fifteen minute walk from home and really, really didn’t want to stop at a restaurant and go in a nasty squatty hole. So I tried to book it home but the quick movements made the sensation even worse. So I started to walk a lot slower, but then it was taking too long! I was completely stuck.

Now when I say I had to go, I don’t mean like I felt like I had a full bladder. I mean it was BURNING down there I had to go so bad. I was genuinely afraid that I was going to pee my pants. Eventually, I had to start taking deep breaths. I would take a few big, slow steps and then stop and take deep breaths. At this point, I don’t know what looks crazier, me stopping and breathing so much or just straight up peeing my pants. 

I finally made it home, and booked it to the toilet. It was like the scene from Austin Powers, and pee came for like a good five minutes. Talk about cutting it close. 

I feel like I’m constantly cutting it close with going #2 as well. It’s kinda like my bowels have a mind of their own when I’m in China. In the US, I make the calls about when I go to the bathroom. In China, my bowels make the call. I hate that my butt has a mind of it’s own now-a-days. I no longer have the ability to say when and where I go. My new strategy is to just make sure a toilet is within a two minute walk radius. And to have a massive amount of tissues in my purse. Sometimes even that might not make the cut. :/

I guess I just have to submit my will to the movements of my bowels. It’s definitely annoying and inconvenient. I always have the fear hanging over me that I may not make it to the toilet one day, that I will suffer the most humiliating situation any adult can imagine: pooping your pants in public. 

But hey, at least it’ll make for an interesting blog post!